Failure

1. As a young adult, I experienced many different things. Some of these proved to be traumatic and left me damaged, mentally/emotionally. There came a point where I even recognized that I was in over my head with painful emotions and needed help. I went to the Doctor I had seen my entire life, and asked for recommendations on what I should do. I was prescribed an anti-depressant. After weeks of taking the medication, I hadn't felt much better and I was experiencing adverse effects. I was crawling in my own skin, I was uncomfortable. I explained these symptoms to my Doctor and said I no longer wanted to be on the medication and was looking for alternative solutions to my existing problems. My Doctor insisted that I did not know what I was talking about in regards to the adverse effects and said I should continue taking the medication. I told her that I know my body and was not going to and she gave me no other options. I walked out of the office no better than I was before. I turned to an age old medication, of alcohol, and realized if I drank enough I didn't have to feel anything, or even really think of anything. Before long, alcohol was my crutch, my best friend, my escape. Making my problem far worse than it had been before, and then some. My Doctor had failed me, the health system had failed me. My problem however minuet was ignored, and denied...and pushed me to another disease of alcoholism.
2. I read the news the other day. A local lady held up a gas station, one I had been to often. The first report of the incident was a recollection of events that made her appear as if she were evil and an assailant. With understanding, she did hold a cashier at hostage with a gun, this initial article was based off of stereotypical understanding of that situation. Later, another article was posted that stated with her gun she made suicidal remarks and asked the cashier to call the police. She held him at gun point and pointed a gun at the police. The police fired various rounds at the lady, and she was pronounced dead at the hospital. She was failed by us, our doctors, our medical system.
3. My heart breaks because any type of failure in mental health is detrimental to ones future. The lack of proper care of these problems causes more problems, causes irrational behavior, causes death. I am disappointed because as I look now with proper assistance from a certified counselor, I could have had further solutions. With less stigma, with doctors who cared about their clients and not making a buck from a prescription drug company, for more adequate screening tools and availability that lady's life could have been spared.
   I wish to dedicate my life to Mental Health Awareness. To change the way American's view our medical system. To save lives by making it okay to have a problem and okay to seek help and for Doctor's to actually do something that will help.
   
4. I feel like a dreamer.
   I have no idea if such a change could ever happen in a country like this.